Does she give the ring back? Yes ladies and gentlemen, that is today’s question. When a man asks for a woman’s hand in marriage and the engagement falls through, should the woman give the ring back? This question came up in a conversation I had with my girlfriend yesterday. Her answer, in all circumstances was no. I disagree. I believe that in two of the three possible circumstances, the woman should give the ring back. What are the circumstances you ask? Well, for one, if the female is the one to break off the engagement, I see no reason for her to hold on to the ring. In my opinion, the engagement ring isn’t just a gift. A gift to me has no contingencies. It’s not a loan in which someone needs to pay back. However, an engagement ring does have a contingency. A man gives a woman this ring in hopes, and in agreement with her, that they will be married. So if a woman decides she no longer wants to be this man’s wife, why the heck should she keep the ring?
I feel the same way when it comes to an amicable breakup. In this case, I think that the woman, in good conscious should give the ring back. It is the guy’s decision whether or not to accept it. Lastly, if it is the guy’s fault that the relationship is dissolved, then and only then do I think that it is the woman’s decision to do whatever she wants with the ring. She could keep it, pawn it, or give it back. Whatever floats her boat.
In French the word for ring is alliance; a joining together, an agreement, a union. So my question is, if you are no longer going to be joined together, why would you keep something that represents something that no longer exists? When I look at my engagement ring, it reminds me of the day that Mike decided in his mind, with the confirmation from God in his heart, that he wanted me as his bride. And with this ring, we hoped that a year later, we would add to it another ring that would seal that contract. I agreed to be his fiancé when I accepted that ring. I don’t look at the size or sparkle, but the significance of it. On that day of proposal, this man willingly gave me his heart as an IOU until the day he would give me his life at the altar. To me, it’s not just a gift, it’s a promise. And for the life of me, I can’t see why anyone would hold on to a broken promise.
I hear what you’re saying. I’ve proposed to 2 girls (not at the same time!), and gave each an engagement ring. When it broke off, I didn’t even remotely think of asking for it back. It was just a gift, another piece of bling to me. My heart was to her and that was the important thing. The funny part was she wanted to give it back to me for it was pretty expensive. I reluctantly took it back, and 2 years later, gave it to someone else. That someone decided to keep the ring, as a momento !! lol
By: Robert on November 14, 2008
at 1:34 pm
I have never been proposed to, but I know that I would not give the ring back. I understand your point that it represent a commitment or union between two, but in my eyes it belongs to me and I am not going to give it back. So, hear is a message to every man that reads this blog. You better go to the Lord if you want to marry me because I am not giving the ring back. You better make sure that our relationship is death do us part because I am not giving the ring back. If you seek God and I seek God and he gives us the go we should not have to ever have a discussion about giving rings back.
By: Sonja on November 15, 2008
at 11:49 pm
I think it’s selfish and wrong for a woman to keep an engagement ring after a break-up under any circumstance other than 1) He died shortly after the break-up 2) she called it off ’cause she caught him in bed with her sister!
Seriously, though, what kind of golddigger keeps a ring that was given as a promise of a future marriage??? I don’t get that.
By: T. Payne on November 16, 2008
at 10:35 pm
To me the ring represents the relationship and if the relationship is no more, then the ring should not be kept by the female. For me personally, I would not want to be reminded of “what was” or “what could have been” everytime I looked at my finger and to pawn it off for money to me is pretty low. It’s not a gift. I preface that by saying that, as a man, if I was the one who messed up and was the reason for the relationship coming to an end, I would not ask for the ring back. Other than that, I think it should be returned.
By: Michael on November 18, 2008
at 1:23 pm
Give the ring back.
Come on now, how many times have we received something as a ‘gift’ and can recall who the person was who gave it to us, and the reason or circumstance why we received the gift(if there was a reason). So if the relationship is over why hold on to that piece of jewelry; could it be a person is trying to hold on what was the past? And I think it is worse when someone is still holding on an engagement ring, and are engaged to someone else. To me that is saying you are not ready to let go of the past. So I think a woman should release that ring back to the ex-proposer.
On a side note, another reason why people keep the ring, because they are about to go and hit that pawn shop for some cash; especially if they are strapped. I know of several who have done that.
By: Ec as 123 on November 19, 2008
at 2:17 pm
ok, after a few minutes of thinking about this question i am not sure what i really think. part of me wants to be a bit selfish by asking for the rig back because of all the reasons mentioned above. also part of me doesn’t want any more to do with the person who i gave it to no matter the reason. as i asked myself what i might do in this situation, a thought came to mind. what if i were already married and the marriage broke up should my ex-wife give me the rings back since the marriage is over? secondly, does it matter who broke it off and how? i mean if it is what we say it is, a “sign” of a contract between two people when that contract is over it would seem logical that the rings should either be returned or sold for equal profit or maybe even donated. so i guess what i want to say is yes, the ring should be returned to the giver.
By: its.nelson on November 20, 2008
at 1:16 pm
its.nelson-
your point about a failed marriage. i have to say both parties have their own ring/band and both parties are giving EACH OTHER a ring. i think it’s different.
By: everyonesister on November 20, 2008
at 2:07 pm
After reading a story on yahoo, about a similar real life situation (the girl kept the ring and she called off the engagement). I want to renege on something I said a while back and.. I am going to be truthful on how would I handle the whole ring thing.
Listen here, if my fiance broke off the engagement-Eh, eh…hecky nawwww…he is not getting the ring back. I am just saying..the ring is mine..and let’s just say I go broke and/or I want a quick vacation, the ring will then belong to the pawn shop.
By: ec_as_123 on December 1, 2008
at 11:04 pm